urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep jared jared 2006-05-10T17:18:01Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:49769 2006-05-10T17:18:01Z 2006-05-10T17:18:01Z the cure i want to die. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:49595 2006-03-09T21:42:12Z 2006-03-09T21:42:12Z kill your idols - epilogue one second is all it takes<br />to lose it all in so many ways<br />two rotten kids in a rotten world<br />an unstable boy and an imperfect girl<br />tired and starved for creating a life for themselves<br />how can i expect to save us both<br />if there's no room to save myself?<br />our pride hides in bathroom stalls<br />with faceless names on porcelain walls<br />where inside these squares we're self destructive<br />birthed by ill excuses with no instructions<br />two hearts held hostage on hospital beds<br />still angry at this place with guns held up to each others heads.<br />so now do we walk away<br />from everything that kept us safe, that kept us warm,<br />that saved us from sleep begging for more<br />or do we fall victim of being tagged and numbered<br />statistics drawn on a green slate... i swear to you it's not too late.<br />so how does this end for us when you've already given up<br />on all the times we stayed alive <br />where i punned and played on words<br />as you let my lines fall short of what i meant<br />i won't lose you again. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:49285 2006-03-06T01:55:38Z 2006-03-06T01:55:38Z saves the day feeling like a dirty rag<br />but i don't clean messes<br />i am one. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:48912 2006-02-28T04:41:42Z 2006-02-28T04:41:42Z here's to the long nights ahead held host hostage in evening gowns on hospital beds. where we fall victim to middle-class monotony and routine hatred for who we let ourselves turn into. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:48809 2006-01-11T07:07:41Z 2006-01-11T07:09:08Z R.I.P. pop-pop... <br /><br />i love you and won't forget the last few words we exchanged <br />before you passed away...<br /><br />i can't even find the words to describe exactly what i'm feeling as of late. confussion, excitement, determination... everything old and new. life right now is bizarro... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:48611 2006-01-08T08:05:22Z 2006-01-08T08:05:22Z lifetime it's cold<br />and i want <br />to wrap my car<br />around a tree<br />like you wrap <br />your hands<br />around me<br />and laid to waste<br />with insecurity<br />it's not so simple<br />when i've lost<br />everything<br />i've wanted to say<br />i'm no good <br />at these games you play<br />yeah<br />i want to admit<br />that i don't love you<br />and that<br />everything<br />we've been through<br />slipped my mind<br />like we slipped<br />on time<br />ten months<br />down the drain<br />watch me<br />wash away <br />with the morning rain<br /><br />this doesn't<br />do it for me<br />anymore<br />i'll see you all in hell. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:48155 2005-12-24T07:46:48Z 2005-12-24T07:48:55Z backup plan / subterfuge split ...am i fucked?<br /><br />MONDAY DECEMBER 26<br />TGIF SIGHTS AND SOUNDS<br />16 PORTION ROAD<br />FARMINGVILLE, NY 11738<br /><br />THIS IS HELL<br />OUTBREAK<br />THE GEEKS (from South Korea)!<br /><b>UP THE FURY</b> (ex-the backup plan, since you)<br />DIVIDER (tym, matt mcnever's band)<br /><br />6pm $9<br /><br />hey <b>friends</b>, come see my new band... plus a sweet cover. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:47995 2005-12-21T04:37:41Z 2005-12-21T04:37:41Z bleeder every time i catch a glimpse my heart sinks<br />into an ugly pit of a stomache<br />that eats away at itself<br />from the inside out<br />until there is nothing<br />and i feel like nothing<br />something<br />has got to be accomplished<br />something has got to be<br />out of line<br />i'd say i was ok<br />but than i'd be lying<br />laying<br />on my back<br />staring through<br />plastic walls<br />and tiles<br />i feel so useless<br />and so unaccomplished<br />and i always<br />yearn<br />for something<br />that i could only<br />taste<br />and smell<br />and all of my senses<br />fell under some kind<br />of spell<br />and i was eaten up<br />in four big gulps<br />my mouth full of <br />excuses <br />i miss it<br />those days<br />and i don't want to anymore<br />on my hardwood floor<br />is everything<br />and nothing<br />all at once<br />all in place<br />but scattered<br />and every time<br />i want to forget<br />i have to suspect<br />that something is up<br />and i guess<br />we end it at that<br />it always ends like that<br />and now i want no beginnings<br />and most importantly i just want to forget<br />about you<br />and me<br />all at once now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:47755 2005-12-19T00:46:34Z 2005-12-19T00:46:34Z strong.point last night i went to day one of jared fest. i felt like i was 17 again. and i miss jared, and a lot of other things. i hate this stupid livejournal. some things just aren't fair... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:47390 2005-12-15T03:50:17Z 2005-12-15T03:50:17Z sunny day real estate i don't know what to think of my life right now... except that i'm excited and terrified at the same time. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:47264 2005-12-08T06:26:00Z 2005-12-08T06:26:00Z play crack the sky... funny how filling a cup up with urine in my car reminds me of you. fuck i want to forget like you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:47102 2005-12-03T08:29:13Z 2005-12-03T08:29:13Z the disaster it's show <br />don't tell why<br />against all <br />the wasted nights<br />the radio spared use<br />the conversation<br />as we carried the bags<br />beneath our eyes.<br />those days<br />only my hands <br />were kept warm<br />and now i struggle<br />to feel what<br />being warm<br />really feels like.<br />i'd like to think<br />that the circumstances<br />have changed since then<br />but that's just<br />another wish <br />that turned away <br />with you<br />and the rest<br />of everything <br />i once held.<br />of this<br />you can be sure<br />i'm tracing <br />your shadow<br />into a silhouette<br />so at times like these<br />i can never forget<br /><br />the canvas <br />i brought home;<br />the blood <br />you drew<br />and put on display<br />so i'll always remember<br />the price that i paid. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:46722 2005-11-28T00:56:56Z 2005-11-28T00:56:56Z i am the avalanche friday morning i sliced off the tip of my right index finger. saturday i said goodbye to ace van tour a. to say the least, i hope next year is different than the past four... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:46582 2005-11-14T23:08:10Z 2005-11-14T23:09:19Z anything, anything... Estragon: it hurts?<br /><br />Vladimir: (<i>angrily</i>) hurts! he wants to know if it hurts!<br /><br />Estragon: (<i>pointing</i>) you might button it all the same.<br /><br />Vladimir: (<i>stooping</i>) true. (<i>he buttons his fly</i>) <b>never neglect the little things in life...</b><br /><br />Estragon: what do you expect, you always wait till the last moment.<br /><br /><br /><i>samuel beckett</i>, <b>waiting for godot</b> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:45955 2005-11-08T06:39:44Z 2005-11-08T06:39:44Z i came<br />and left<br />as fast <br />as you could<br />forget<br />holy shit<br />it was over 100 days<br />and yeah<br />i'm sick <br />of holding<br />my breath<br />and waiting<br />and constantly searching<br />for alternative ways<br />to push my nightmares<br />into comedic plays<br />not the tragic tales<br />of an unexperienced<br />love be forgotten<br />all or nothing<br />holding tides <br />against the grain<br />too close<br />with all too much<br />pain<br />such pain<br />and the stars are clear tonight<br />i wanted to see you<br />for only a second<br />what's a second<br />but then again<br />what's time<br />i used to remember it well<br />because it passed so slowly<br />television programs<br />break down the door, dog<br />fingerprints do more<br />than sign away<br />convicted persons<br />they let persons<br />forget<br />live to understand<br />that what they wanted<br />and what they planned<br />and what they promised<br />and how they loved<br />oh we loved<br />and i never let go<br />and you let go so easily<br />and you don't get it<br />you don't get it<br />i never got it<br />and i still don't have<br />all of it<br />but i wanted to see you<br />for only a second<br />i guess<br />the curtain <br />drags at the bottom<br />and sinks<br />beneath the two by fours<br />and sunken planks<br />i walked<br />so frequently<br />around the egg shells<br />pealed and soft<br />if i fall<br />i already fell<br />one more quick glimpse<br />the cow mailbox<br />the cat dish<br />danced<br />brown coated<br />disease<br />lay spotted<br />and random<br />hold solid<br />with the concrete<br />we sat and smoked <br />cigarettes<br />by your front door<br />that i always closed<br />so gently<br />without a sound<br />walked up the stairs<br />careful not to wake <br />the motorcycle<br />a furry ride<br />to the left<br />is your door<br />that i opened so gently<br />your room is never the same<br />the second time around<br />you know, <br />the first thing i did<br />was remember your scent<br />you didn't want to see me<br />not even for a second<br />sleep<br />you catch it<br />more frequently <br />then you care<br />to catch<br />or cradle<br />into your tiny palms<br />that aren't quite the same<br />i wouldn't know<br />it's been so long<br />you see<br />since i had a chance <br />to meet you <br />five fingers intertwined<br />like a thorn bush<br />ready to draw blood<br />to anyone<br />who braves<br />such a small world<br />we live in<br />for which <br />i choose<br />not to live with you<br />i scattered the ashes<br />but i'm sorry<br />i missed the funeral<br />i couldn't bare to catch<br />everyone else feeling<br />like i do<br />for only a second<br />there's that time again<br />i'm dead<br />you're dead<br />we both don't feel<br />fuck<br />fuck fuck fuck<br />yeah<br />this was the last time<br />i wanted it to be the last time<br />and i promise you<br />it will be<br />dear you, <br />fuck and run<br />i'm so fucking tired<br />of running<br />so now <br />i'm really feeling it now<br />running through me<br />something's coming over me<br />and yeah<br />i've never felt it before<br />not even in love<br />the four letter word<br />i'm slowly losing it<br />and i thought <br />i lost it all<br />but when there<br />is nothing left to lose<br />i had to choose<br />i don't want to know<br />or see<br />or feel<br />or love<br />fuck<br />what is love<br />you're not love<br />you're not anything<br />but the undertaker<br />of love<br />if love even exists<br />i'd be damned<br />if i let it get me again<br />thanks<br />thanks for numbing my wits<br />again,<br />thank you<br />i don't care anymore<br />about anyone<br />you were<br />something<br />you know that<br />ha<br />shit<br />who am i trying to fool<br />you were everything<br />and dancing on your grave<br />isn't going <br />to help me<br />forget<br />everything we had<br />and everything i wanted with you<br />as much as i'd like it too<br />because here i sit<br />still giving it all<br />for you<br />it's all for you<br />and you won't care<br />and you'll fall asleep<br />before i can say goodnight i love you always<br />kiss your freckled forehead<br />push your hair<br />out of your eyes<br />watch you rise and fall<br />beneath the sheets<br />half open<br />half closed<br />you can't decide<br />and neither can i<br />i used to watch you<br />you know<br />for hours<br />as you krept <br />slowly<br />into your dreams<br />bedside nightmares<br />and i cursed<br />my lucky stars<br />for bringing me<br />so much fucking hapiness<br />yeah<br />it lasted a while<br />nothing lasts too long<br />not the words<br />to all our favorite songs<br />could explain how it felt<br />to be loved<br />and let down<br />and broken<br />and beaten down<br />and hurt<br />oh so hurt<br />i'm hurting<br />when will it stop hurting<br />when will you stop hurting <br />me with your stubborn pride<br />and light blue eyes<br />your voice is sweet<br />even when you shot<br />me with lead filled<br />defeat<br />on the streets<br />they all feel the same<br />tonight<br />tomorrow<br />last night<br />four years ago<br />but not tomorrow<br />i swear<br />fuck on everything that<br />keeps me from stabbing my wrists<br />that i am going to forget<br />as far as i can reach back<br />i'm going to let it all leak<br />out of my pores<br />when i sweat under fire<br />i'm hot with desire<br />because i'm going to live it down<br />and let it turn <br />like autumn<br />and the ashes in my urn<br />i died long ago<br />six weeks ago<br />you will be<br />a fairy tale<br />in disguise <br />tomorrow<br />i'm sailing away<br />down streams<br />and narrow passage ways<br />i took a shot<br />and yeah i paid<br />i love you<br />too much<br />for our own good<br />and now it will be forgotten<br />not to be turned<br />over<br />ever again<br />never again<br />it's all gone<br />everything is all gone<br />and i can't find <br />the strength <br />to say everything<br />i've said a million times<br />and will say until<br />day after day<br />in and out<br />the lungs collapse<br />i've turned into <br />an irish stout<br />it's over<br />all over<br />again<br />never again. <br />i love you.<br />i hate you.<br />i'm going<br />to get over you.<br />any way that i can<br />i'm still longing. <br />it's tomorrow<br />tomorrow <br />today <br />you're gone<br />nothing<br />a deja vu<br />a passerby on the street<br />just another pretty face<br />that i won't speak to urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:45684 2005-10-24T06:37:24Z 2005-10-24T06:37:24Z capital - rough mixes driving down <br />the north side <br />of this railroad town<br />where the streets<br />paved once since 1918<br />pale and stained<br />with personality<br />commitmint and grease<br />foggy windows<br />divided in squares<br />gray and lifeless<br />at this time outside<br />the nine to five<br />where steel sends<br />chills through the air<br />and steam hisses and <br />collapses past the <br />shadows and narrow<br />alleyways. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:45442 2005-10-14T22:31:15Z 2005-10-14T22:31:15Z BATS AND KNIVES how i hate every puddle on this planet. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:45124 2005-10-14T04:07:17Z 2005-10-14T04:07:17Z alk3 silky smooth<br />satin<br />i always slip<br />so silently<br />so subtle<br />sweet nights<br />invisible street signs<br />half lit<br />half dead street lights.<br />now just poignant sighs.<br />and it's <br />about this time<br />that i follow<br />the powerlines<br />but they always<br />bring me to <br />the same strange<br />yet familiar<br />places <br />i've seen <br />and been a hundred times<br />already<br />finally<br />some peace<br />and quiet<br />too much quiet<br />to swallow<br />too much peace<br />stands crooked<br />sits hollow<br />and it's the same<br />records<br />being played on repeat<br />it's the same clothes<br />that stink of defeat<br />it's the same books<br />being dissected<br />by my eyes<br />there the same lines<br />four years memorized.<br />once in a while<br />i crack a smile<br />and it's well worth<br />the trouble i live for. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:44955 2005-10-10T03:39:52Z 2005-10-10T03:39:52Z most precious blood - merciless the last<br />of what<br />the locksmith crafts.<br />stationed<br />quietly<br />under the yellow ribbon<br />next to the<br />sorry<br />mournful<br />begonia<br />rubber soles<br />for the soul<br />cursed word<br />nothing more<br />i got a ticket that night<br />no inspection<br />on the rattle bucket<br />over stainless tar<br />sleek and thin<br />broken in<br />it knows where i've been<br />right headlight<br />frozen over in the ice age<br />blackened and deceited<br />the blood sucker<br />kept his locust around me<br />mist infecting<br />my car with<br />every second idling<br />cooking in<br />torn leather.<br />writing sonnets<br />with the hum of the engine<br />beautifully crafted notes<br />i could paint<br />like picasso<br />in the october<br />morning<br />stretching each stroke<br />touching every spot<br />i yearn for that moment<br />when gray turns to white<br />so i wait<br />confidence always comes<br />too late.<br />and somehow<br />skepticism shows up<br />right on time<br />on the white dotted line<br />so straight and ardent<br />so simply defined<br />every car<br />heaping masses of<br />machinary<br />coils and<br />brass between the legs<br />lose pixilation<br />in my fragile eyes<br />fighting with the<br />battle cries<br />spilling through<br />the pores of my speakers<br />in hisses and<br />smokers cough.<br />i've got nowhere to be<br />on this particular night<br />where i doubt anyone<br />will even spare the change<br />to read this through<br />i have no destination<br />so here's to<br />me still getting over you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:44554 2005-09-26T19:56:47Z 2005-09-26T19:56:47Z modern life is war i had a good weekend. saturday night my friends and i recorded a rap song haha. sunday afternoon was spent in the woods on shep jones where we watched a hawk eat a rabbit in a tree. it was sweet. this time last year i was the happiest kid on the planet. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:44357 2005-09-20T05:01:04Z 2005-09-20T05:01:04Z it's late now.<br />too soon, too late.<br />i've got a lot of thinking<br /><br />decisions.<br />decisions and gratuitous <br />mutiny.<br /><br />four corners<br />four angles<br />one choice.<br /><br />think it through.<br />wild nights<br />under streetlights.<br /><br />concrete and rubber<br />kissing for hours<br />in a deadly embrace.<br /><br />the sky races on<br />i would follow it<br />if i had wings. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:44176 2005-09-01T03:14:39Z 2005-09-01T03:14:39Z jawbreaker live @ cbgb's 5/29/93 i find inspiration under rocks. next to ashes that beg me to take off in the wind with them. but even they don't have hands to hold. or eyes that squint from the glaring sun. <br /><br />i send two sunsets<br />day and i in competition ran<br />i finished two and several stars<br />while he was making one<br />his own was ampler<br />but as i was saying to a friend<br />mine is the more convenient<br />to carry in the hand.<br /><br />what a weekend that was. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:43959 2005-08-27T07:31:57Z 2005-08-27T07:31:57Z where the heart is it's been so long since it's rained this hard, so i'll drive with the windows down to remember how it felt to feel alive. the sky starts to clear as i'm driving by your house for the second time again. you're still away. and i'm still here. how long has it been since you've been at home with me? i'm trying to hold on but i'm just keeping you away. you said, "i'm still standing, i'm just looking for a reason." i'm standing right here but i'm holding on too tight. you're looking right through me, or do you feel me at all? and this will never be enough, but if you're going down... this is all i have, just fucking take it. this is all i am, it's always been for you. choke and break and drown and steal. take it all again. just say you'll never leave. just never leave. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:43610 2005-08-17T22:59:49Z 2005-08-17T22:59:49Z the cure life is beating the shit out of me. my palm is an inch away from the floor. thank you for leaving when i needed you the most. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:savemefromsleep:43443 2005-08-13T08:22:14Z 2005-08-13T08:22:14Z against me! - i still love you julie and really wish i was still out on the road. home doesn't really feel like home anymore. croosh rips. too much bagging. and not enough denny's. thank you In the Company of Heroes, Bats and Knives, Make or Break, Attitude, the metal band in GA that lit their cymbals on fire, the north/south carolina kids, ross from up the punxsutawny PA, the 2 girls in orlando following the warped tour that pulled off the side of the road to help us because they thought we were on that tour, heyman, michelle, not rebecca, and last but not least Ramallah for all the help, support, friendship, and firecrackers they have shown us in the short time that we've known them... it really means a lot and we can't wait to meet up with those guys again.<br /><br />no thanks to the crazy donkey, waffle house, over night drives, lack of showers, and being heart broken the entire tour.<br /><br />love jared